by Amy Waelchli

“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. (John 15: 12-13 NRSVUE)

I’m a self-proclaimed “Word Nerd.” I sometimes struggled with deadlines in my seminary studies of Biblical Hebrew and Greek, because I enjoyed following the pathway between language, use and translation. This passion of mine has given me insight, excitement and, in this case, relief.

It’s always raised alarm bells for me when I hear Jesus tell his disciples, including us, that “giving up your life” or “laying it down,” is the responsibility  of friendship. Growing up, I didn’t live in a region of the world where this was even a remote possibility. My small town was peaceful. Food was plentiful. The worst an enemy could do was judge you. And judge you, they did.

I was raised in an era when cultural Christianity was ripe with purity rings, rapture teachings, and bracelets asking, “What Would Jesus Do?”.

I apologize if you love(d) those bracelets; I do not. Where people would previously “tsk tsk” and wave their finger in judgment, they replaced it with a quick “WWJD” accompanied by arched eyebrows. The meaning was the same: We’re watching just like God. But that wasn’t the God I knew at home or was raised with in church.

Still, it felt like in the world and at my friends’ home during childhood, loving one another was replaced with judging one another. As middle schoolers, we had completely normal questions about our faith, bodies, emotions, feelings and world. But “WWJD” stifled friendships between me and my friends because it seeped into our group consciousness. In one home, we got lectures about modesty and purity when we showed up in shorts. WWJD, she wanted to know.

I wish I’d been brave enough to tell her he’d likely feed us abundantly and put us to work!

I’d have to wait a decade to find my strong voice. In the meantime, I tried to avoid giving anyone an opportunity to judge me by sharing myself less. I am not and never have been shy. But I did not then, and I still do not, share my innermost thoughts with others. Yet, on the way to adulthood, I was continually surprised to find that I had friends anyway. I didn’t feel like I could really share myself with them. Instead, I showed up for them, shared their worries and joys, and agreed their boyfriend was perfect or a perfect idiot, depending on their relationship stage. We laughed and cried and had adventures.

Then, while I was away at college, my friend Beez, who was still in high school, called me for support. I’d moved out of her orbit, but she had not moved on. She was still my friend! And I was her friend.  

No one has greater love than to lay their lifetime before their friends.

(Emphasis and translation, mine)

Jesus, who will die for the sake of the whole world, is not advising us to strive to follow in his exact footsteps since he alone is the Savior. He is speaking of more than a moment here, though. ψυχὴν, translated as “life” in Bible translations from King James to The Message, is linked to the Spirit of God at creation. The breath of God breathed into those beings God calls very good. The word “life” is life-sustaining, the force of God within us that gives us meaning and makes us alive.

I thought friendship was about confessing our innermost thoughts and then choosing to be friends, but the WWJD craze pushed me inside myself. Based on John 15:13, I feared friendship required a life-or-death commitment when the best I could do was show up for someone.

Jesus isn’t talking about the height of friendship here! He’s talking about the depth and length of it. Friendship doesn’t require the confessional soul bearing my middle school mind enjoyed. Friendship shows up for each other and takes turns. It listens and laughs and sits quietly. Sometimes, friendship is even dormant for a season. Friendship changes and grows and, yes, sometimes dies. Friendship is a treasure that Jesus, our Savior, wants us to experience.

Let us love one another.

Discussion questions:

1. What have you learned about friendship from your friends over the years? From Scripture?
2. Think about the length and stages of your friendships. Lifelong friends. Couple friends. Work friends. Church friends. Give thanks to God for these friends.
3. Every friendship has difficult times/arguments. Did you and your friend work through that part? How? If not, did you end your friendship peaceably?

Closing prayer:

Dear God, thank you for your Son, our Savior, Jesus Christ who laid down his life for us. In your love and mercy, open us to the vulnerability of long-term friendship that puts down roots, shows up on ordinary days, and speaks truthfully. Embolden us, God, to lay our lifetimes before our friends. In Jesus name we pray, Amen.

The Rev. Amy Waelchli is the lead pastor at Trinity Lutheran Church Lead Pastor of Trinity Lutheran Church, Fort Atkinson, Wisc. Her leadership style is collaborative and based in trust. In her free time, you can finding her reading, quilting, petting my elderly dog, and cooking with her husband, Paul.