by the Rev. Dr. Ralen M. Robinson
I recently received some harsh feedback that stuck with me. It stuck with me longer than I hate to admit. It came after worship, flippantly, casually, like it didn’t matter, but it stayed. It weighed on me; it made me reevaluate who I am.
This isn’t the first hurtful moment I’ve received. I used to have a drawer dedicated to the notes I received that attacked my being, my personhood, my call, my presence. After years of stuffing notes into that drawer, it began to hold space in my heart, too. I emptied that drawer and replaced it with kindness. It’s funny how those letters are long gone, and one comment can echo louder than a dozen. My usual tough exterior has been chipped away over the years from comments, while maybe meant to help, slowly began to feel like they were saying something about my worth.
We live in a time where we are constantly evaluated at work, online, or in relationships. People frequently share their opinions, critiques, and feedback, forcing us to quietly absorb them and creating an ongoing narrative that we must always be better and do more. The list of ways to improve ourselves can feel endless. Somewhere along the way, feedback stopped being about ways to enhance and started sounding like a judgment. It stopped shaping what I do and started making me question my ability and myself. Because if we’re brutally honest, feedback speaks to what we do, and unfortunately, shame twists into who we are, chipping away at our worth. Too many times, our body keeps the weight of the world. If we are not careful, we begin to believe we are only as good as the critiques we are given. Yet scripture reminds us: in the letter of Ephesians, “Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children,” with a charge to live out God’s image. We aren’t called to pick apart another, but to build one another up.
Our worth is not something we achieve; it is something we are given. We are worthy. Despite others’ views, God views us as beloved children. As pastors and those in leadership roles, this can be hard to hear and even sometimes speak.
How often have you walked into rooms feeling eyes peering at you, piecing you apart? Been corrected, spoken with contempt, talked down to, told to change, told to be more, to be less, or to not simply be. Yet, beloveds, I speak to myself as well as to you: in the murky waters of baptism, there is no review, only identity. The waters of baptism don’t evaluate or critique; instead, they name. Before we ever have to prove or perform, we are claimed by God. In God’s eyes, you are perfectly imperfect. When you look in the mirror, remember you are a beautiful, complex being, created with purpose and belonging. Your worth isn’t in critiques. It’s not made up of mistakes. I don’t want you to let others dim or dull your light. We must be careful who is shaping our thoughts, what is pouring into us, and what voices we are listening to. Must we choose between constant evaluation and speaking the truth and love? We deserve to be loved and not a project to be fixed.
So, pour into yourself and let your beauty reverberate throughout the world. You are already worthy. You are already loved. You are already called. So, sparkle. Shine. Return to the water where your identity is found. Return to the name spoken over you. Before the world had any say, God spoke over you.
Discussion questions:
1. Which viewpoints, voices, or even influences do you focus on right now? In what ways do they impact how you feel emotionally?
2. What are some specific ways you can use to prevent comments from impacting you?
3. What are some ways you can nurture your well-being and spiritual growth?
Closing prayer:
Let us pray. Loving God, you saw us before we saw ourselves, and you loved us. Allow that love to take away the blemishes we see, the doubts we dwell on, and the voices that drown you out. We are made in your image. We are perfectly imperfect. Teach us to tend to ourselves and care for one another with words of kindness, acceptance, and love. Amen.
Ralen M. Robinson is the pastor of Reformation Lutheran Church in Wichita, Kansas. She holds a doctorate in Homiletics and is passionate about preaching, community ministry, and leadership in the wider church. Ralen finds joy in helping people discover God’s presence in everyday life, meaningful conversation, and shared community.
Thank you, Pastor Robinson, for your words of encouragement. I live in Lindsborg, Kansas and I’ve been the organist of Bethany Lutheran for 36 years. I have friends here who were members of Reformation. Words and actions speak volumes. God’s spiritual gifts of love, peace hope and joy , humility, compassion , perseverance and persistence help us to live our lives in trust and hope. I hope to meet you sometime. May the Holy Spirit continue to bless your ministry..
Thank you for this article. I realized that not only are we judged but we also judge others. It made me realize that criticism should also be spoken with kindness. I should think about how so many times I have been hurt when receiving “helpful” but “hurtful'” comments are given.
Marcile