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 Any
Woman, Anywhere: Domestic Violence
by Jessica Royer Ocken
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I was in an abusive relationship with a law enforcement
officer for over a year, and almost married him
(thankfully it ended before that point). I'm an educated
woman, who considers myself knowledgeable about domestic
violence, yet didn't realize I was in such a
relationship...and didn't until I had gotten out of it.
I'm not sure if
you have the capability, but when doing articles of a
sensitive nature (which you seem to do a lot), it might
be nice for women to have a chat room or something to go
to, or even a network for them to go to in order to talk
about what's going on, and get the help, support, and
survival stories they may not get anywhere else...in a
private, anonymous, and relatively confidential setting.
It could also be a connection point for survivors, or
any number of other people. Just an idea for your future
growth.
Thanks. Jenna |
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Thank you for your thoughtful article. I was a victim of
domestic
violence, both sexually and physically, and it took many
years to regain my self-esteem. Because of that
experience, I became involved as a board member of our
local domestic violence shelter, and I lobbied not to
include "Women" in the new name of the shelter, because
I knew men also could be victims. I like the idea of
placing the shelter's name and number in a discreet
place (in a bathroom stall at the church), and I'm going
to advocate this to my congregation's women's group.
Thanks again!
Elayne, SD
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Thank you for bringing up
this subject again. My best friend was in an extremely
abusive relationship and it took her 3 years to finally
get up the courage to leave and then another 3 years
before she finally felt safe. It is a long hard process!
Kris
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Dear Café readers: Thank you for sharing your
thoughtful insights and experiences. The topic of domestic
violence has many layers and the Hot Topic article in this
issue can only offer but a glimpse of this vast subject. Please read the
comments offered of other Café readers that offer
additional insight into
this issue. In addition, the
Internet Café
offers a list of other helpful resources and Web links of
interest. Although, these are a small sampling, they can be
a stepping stone for further research.
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What an eye opening article! I can understand the
conflicting feelings that an abused person may feel.
My first husband was abusive to me. Not physically,
but emotionally and verbally. When I decided that I
could no longer stay in a relationship like this, I
felt as if I was the one breaking my vows of marriage
and that God would be disappointed in me. How untrue!
I now see that others have faced this same situation.
If only more people could put aside the feeling that
they are wrong and that they are breaking the vow that
they took, then maybe, just maybe, it would help them
see the way out.
Thanks
Tanya
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What I was pleased with was the fact that sexual
orientation was mentioned as well in the domestic
violence article. I
was in an abusive same-sex relationship which lasted for
5 years, and I'm sure like other domestic violence situations, it was
not clear to me that it actually was a dysfunctional
relationship, and the emotional violence was where it
started first, then went on to destruction of property
and threatening me physically by intimidation and
actually physically hurting me. I was trapped, and it
also was a situation in which I had to accept it, and
became stronger in my faith because of it all. Now,
after almost 10 years after having ended the
relationship, it still is something which impacts my
life...yet I think in a positive way. I am stronger for
it and will not allow that type of situation in my
current relationship (which has not happened at all) and
I feel that I have empathy for women who are also
survivors of domestic violence.
Maybe one thing that I did
not get from the article is the amount of guilt which is
involved, especially guilt in the victim. Questioning
how you could be involved with someone who would behave
in such a fashion is
something I know I went through, and I'd assume that
other women also have tremendous guilt related to being
treated badly by a significant intimate partner. That is
what I had to work through in my therapy.
I appreciated the links to
other organizations which are places of support as well.
Thanks, Christa, Wisc.
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With all that is being done, unfortunately it is still
not enough. The words of belief and caring have got to
get out more aggressively in our churches and community.
I truly believe that information must be given out to
teens in their high school years, so they can better
understand what is a seriously 'bad' relationship.
Police, community leaders, etc. must believe and hear
what a woman who is in a damaging relationship is
saying. We must look beyond and dig deeper into their
hearts. Not every woman will carry bruises; some abuse
is verbal, which leaves its mark as well. I believe that
women's groups in the ELCA have a vital role and that
we need to reach out more, and help within our
communities. Coming up with ways to help lessen the
burden for those women who need our help. And we should
remember that violence comes in all shapes and sizes,
and has no boundaries to whether a person is rich or
poor.
Belinda, NV
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