Forgiveness for Good
by Emily Hansen

One month from now, I will sit and watch as my mother asks for understanding and forgiveness, not from a family member or a friend, but from the state of Iowa. The Iowa Board of Parole is a group of five people who have been given the incredible power to decide whether my own beloved mother has served her time in prison and whether she deserves to be released back into society. Who are these five strangers and what right do they have to grant mercy and forgiveness?

The concept of forgiveness can be all-consuming, and I view forgiveness as something that is also incredibly private. I love my mother, as does my family, as do our friends. We have mourned her circumstances and we wait anxiously for the end of her imprisonment. As I now contemplate what we hope will be a day of clemency for my mother, I think back on the past three years and I realize how much of my life has been consumed with notions of forgiveness. Have I forgiven my parents for leading our family into such a dark place of sadness and for the circumstances that led to my father’s death? Have I forgiven the police officers who took deceitful advantage of my mother’s words, and the court, whom I believe judged my mother more on her social status than on the honest reality of her life?

There is no doubt that my daily life and my physical health have been affected by my emotions surrounding these questions of forgiveness. When feelings of anger, sadness, and yes, sometimes even vengeance have crept into my body and mind, I ultimately come to the realization that my feelings of unforgiveness may only be hurting me.

When we ask God for true and lasting absolution of our sins, that forgiveness is given regardless of our deserving it. We have all asked God for forgiveness, even in the midst of worry that God’s love for us may falter. Reading the petitions in Psalm 85, I recognize the pleas for forgiveness and love as ones that we have asked of one another.

Restore us again, O God of our salvation, and put away your indignation toward us. Will you be angry with us forever? Will you prolong your anger to all generations? Will you not revive us again, so that your people may rejoice in you? Show us your steadfast love, O Lord, and grant us your salvation.
(Psalm 85:4-7)

Even when the faithful doubt God’s forgiveness, it is surely present. Therefore, should I not also put away my anger and indignation toward others so there may be relief? God shows us mercy, and aren’t we expected to follow that example?
So how can I show true forgiveness of another, and if that is possible, how do I know it will last? And when, in this goal-driven society, is our “deadline” for deciding to forgive? What possible purpose would it serve if I decide not to forgive? But more importantly, what benefit is there for me if I release that resentment and bitterness in order to move on with my life?

I am not the only one asking these questions. In fact, there is an enormous amount of research being done on forgiveness because of its beneficial relationship to physical and emotional health.

In a recent Newsweek article entitled “Forgive and Let Live,” authors Jordana Lewis and Jerry Adler report on what they describe as “one of the hottest fields of research in clinical psychology today.” The article describes findings that people who forgive exhibit better physical and mental health than those who harbor negative feelings. For example, those who were able to forgive their offender had lower rates of anxiety and depression, and one study showed that those who could forgive had reduced blood pressure and had fewer heart problems.

The Campaign for Forgiveness Research is a foundation dedicated to research on forgiveness and health. Everett Worthington, executive director of the foundation, leads studies that have shown specific physiological consequences of failing to forgive. “Every time you feel unforgiveness,” he says “you are more likely to develop a health problem.” The Newsweek article states that persistent unforgiveness, although part of human nature, works to the detriment of our physical health, and further reports that one study has tied unforgiveness to the immune system. The study examined individuals in both happy and troubled relationships, and found that the 20 people in troubled relationships had higher levels of cortisol, a hormone that is associated with weakened immune function.

The research on forgiveness may be as important to the treatment of emotional and mental disorders as the discovery of sulfa drugs and penicillin were to the treatment of infectious diseases.
Richard Fitzgibbons, MD, University of Wisconsin-Madison

This research goes on. At the American Psychological Association’s 108th annual convention psychologist Charlotte C. VanOyen-Witoliet offered some of her findings: “Those unable to forgive, regardless of whether the incident had occurred a long time ago, the offender had apologized, or even if the incident had not been very severe, showed higher blood pressure rather, tension around the eyes, increase in sweaty skin and overall higher stress levels.” She also suggested that hostile behavior is linked to heart disease and premature death. Now, I don’t believe they’re claiming that holding a grudge against the guy who cut you off on the highway will lead to a heart attack. But, when faced with one who has truly offended you or had a negative impact on your life, the point is made that you should forgive. Your body is better off if you do.

It’s a no-brainer. Forgiveness, a simple enough concept, can significantly improve our health. If that’s true, if forgiveness is beneficial, why does it feel like such a difficult task?

Truly forgiving is harder than it seems. In fact, I take comfort in knowing that forgiveness is not an easy assignment for anyone. Thomas G. Long, professor of preaching at Candler School of Theology at Emory University, writes, “It (forgiveness) goes against almost every human instinct, every emotional impulse. Forgiveness is rare because it is very hard to do.”  Dr. Edward M. Hallowell, psychiatrist at Harvard University and author of the book Dare to Forgive, agrees and writes that we have a tendency to seek revenge and the redress of injustice. Forgiveness has to be cultivated because it’s a process, not a one-time decision.

There is a misconception that forgiveness is a quick fix for any wrongdoing done to you. But ultimately, part of the purpose I have found in forgiving is so we may let go of our own suffering. As I think about my own life the past few years, I know that coming to terms with the circumstances surrounding my father’s death is less about others and instead about my need to move on with my own life. I view the process of forgiveness differently now. I have accepted that it’s not only hard to do, but that there is an inherently selfish nature to forgiving because in the end, we need to feel better about ourselves so we can lead a healthier life.

True self-respect leads to genuine forgiveness.
Margaret Holmgren, Ph.D., Iowa State University

Professor Holmgren writes these powerful words in her article “Forgiveness and Self-Respect” about the benefits of reaching a state of genuine forgiveness. “Every step we take towards forgiveness should increase our self-respect. By letting go of my grief and resentment, I opened up space for a whole range of positive emotions which I experience on a regular basis…increased self-esteem is the inevitable consequence of my feeling good and being able to devote all of my attention to the positive aspects of my life.” We need to dispel the myth that forgiveness is necessarily for others. Sometimes, it should be for our own wellbeing.

As I reflect on my experiences with forgiveness, I know that it is a process shared by all those around me. All of us have been faced with the decision to forgive someone we care about or maybe someone who is a stranger to us. And I know these instances will arise again throughout my life and I will remind myself to do all I can to live a healthier life. Forgiveness is no longer a term, a fleeting thought, or even just a “hot topic." Forgiveness is now a movement around the world, and on August 7, we will celebrate International Forgiveness Day, initiated by the Worldwide Forgiveness Alliance. This alliance is a non-denominational organization whose mission is to “promote forgiveness as a way of creating a safer, more joyful, and peaceful world.” It is a day created for people in all walks of life to encourage forgiveness as a means of contributing to “better health, a more real and lasting sense of self-worth and purpose, and a more heightened feeling of freedom, joy, and laughter on a daily basis.” So, mark your calendar. That really does sound wonderful, doesn’t it?

Emily Hansen is associate for programs, Women of the ELCA. She and her husband Kevin are parents of two-year-old Aidan John.

Back
 

Sidebar: Faith Reflections
by AmyJo Mattheis

Sin is the source of our wounds, and forgiveness is the balm that heals. As a Christian raised in the Lutheran tradition, I believe that our baptism is at the center of how we interact with the violence and brokenness of sin.

Baptism changes the way we see the world because baptism gives us all the forgiveness we will ever need, the very moment we are touched by the water. That’s a profound statement for Lutherans who are baptized as infants. God pours out unending grace and forgiveness before we have chosen wrong, and without our knowing what we will choose to do over the course of our lives. We are cleansed with the waters of forgiveness that promise we need not purify ourselves again. “We are born children of a fallen humanity; in baptism we are reborn children of God and inheritors of eternal life.” Baptism does not mean we live outside the reality of sin. Baptism means we live as already forgiven sinners.

"Then Jesus came from Galilee to John at the Jordan, to be baptized by him. John would have prevented him, saying, "I need to be baptized by you, and do you come to me?" But Jesus answered him, "Let it be so now; for it is proper for us in this way to fulfill all righteousness." Then he consented. And when Jesus had been baptized, just as he came up from the water, suddenly the heavens were opened to him and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting on him. And a voice from heaven said, " This is my Son, the Beloved, with whom I am well pleased." (Matthew 3:13-17)

I completed four months of my seminary internship in the holy city of Jerusalem. My husband and I left eight months early due to an experience of severe pain and brokenness we encountered there. Anger raged inside me for what seemed like endless weeks and months. I knew intellectually I needed to forgive those who had wronged me, but my heart was overshadowed with hate.

As a baptized child of God, I had all the forgiveness I would need for my own wrongdoings. I was now confronted with living as a person of forgiveness in the middle of the gritty reality of sin. How does a baptized disciple of Christ live forgiveness?

Forgiveness is a leading characteristic of a follower of Christ. We are given this gift in our baptism, and we are called to work at exercising it throughout our journey as a Christian. Engaging the hurt was the work I needed to do to learn that the One who gave me my freedom from sin was also the One who would give forgiveness to those who had hurt me. God could, would, and did forgive the actions that led to my pain. Where I could not forgive, I came to the epiphany that God already had. I let go of the guilt I carried for not wanting to forgive them myself, and was released to live fully in my own baptismal promise of worth, validity, and love. It was a gift that gave me time to heal and to rediscover God’s action within me.

While they were eating, Jesus took a loaf of bread, and after blessing it he broke it, gave it to the disciples, and said, "Take, eat; this is my body." Then he took a cup, and after giving thanks he gave it to them, saying, "Drink from it, all of you; for this is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins. (Matthew 26:26-28)

My heart is touched each time I sing the “Now the Feast” liturgy. The third stanza in the Hymn of Praise is most compelling: “For God has come to dwell with us, to make us people of God. To make all things new!”

Worship leads to the table of life, where we receive the body and blood of Christ that gives us the power to forgive and keep going. God will make all things new! From the cross of death we are given the food of life!

During my time of healing I participated in worship and received communion regularly. I was being filled with the bread and wine of forgiveness. We come to the table of Jesus as we are, in all of our humanity and sin. We are not asked to dress up our souls, to look good before we eat. Rather, we come as sinners to the table of Christ, believing Jesus sees all of who we are, and still wants to give us his life.

"The Pharisees and their scribes were complaining to his disciples, saying, "Why do you eat and drink with tax collectors and sinners?" Jesus Answered, "Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick; I have come to call not the righteous but sinners to repentance." (Luke 5:30-32)

Followers of Christ washed with forgiveness and fed with forgiveness, even as we are sinners, cannot and will not refuse it to another. No one was denied Christ’s table. He had a reputation for eating with sinners and prostitutes. We take our cues about who is welcome at Christ’s table of forgiveness from the One who is the host. Jesus consistently moved his table beyond the boundaries and lines of purity, righteousness, and acceptability. We who eat at that same table, who kneel to receive strength for our own personal forgiveness, are called to rise and look honestly at the sin of our corporate life, of the system of “how things are.” We are connected to the larger world at the table of Christ.

"So if anyone is in Christ, there is a new creation: everything old has passed away; see, everything has become new! (2 Cor. 5:17)

The forgiveness we receive compels us beyond our own hurts and fears into significant realities of the world's pain, injustice, and sin. Christ’s gift of freedom means that our sin does not define us. Sin does not have the last word! Forgiven followers of Jesus go where Jesus went. Regularly practicing our sacraments of baptism and eating at the table of life gives us the power to forgive. When we find that source, we move beyond the walls the world erects and break them down through our acts of genuine, hard, gritty forgiveness. We become freed people who free the world!

The Rev. AmyJo Mattheis is currently an ELCA pastor serving in Stockton, California. Her first call was in the New York Metropolitan Synod, where she served with her husband, the Rev. Peter Holmquist. They work together both as pastors and parents; their three children are Elias, Zoe, and Quinn.