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When you have experienced grief, did you find comfort in words or actions? Or both? Have your words or actions comforted others?
Lydia and Susan, your words are extremely comforting and realistic. As someone who shared in the grief over losing your husband, son-in-law and my friend, Will, I learned much during the process as well. I agree about the platitudes people would say or the ridiculous comments about getting over it or moving on. The comments that made me feel the most comfort were, "I just don't know what to say," or "I honestly can't even imagine what you are feeling right now." Those comments made me feel like my unbearable grief was being understood by others. The cards I received that meant the most to me were the ones who commented on Will's life or our friendship. "I know what a great friend he was and how much you will miss him." "I know you'll never have a tennis partner like him again." "You were such a good friend to Will and he is missing you, too." All of those made me feel like my understandable grief was somehow understood by my close friends and family. Lydia, I have always valued your friendship but I think Will arranged for us to grow even closer through this still unbelievable experience. Together, I think we have been able to reach each other, to help work through this experience that neither of us would have ever wanted, and to keep moving forward, one day at a time, knowing we can share any and all feelings that we have at the moment. I truly appreciate your words and your unconditional friendship.
Posted by: Ron Girard (Wauconda, IL)
Posted: 1/22/2012 1:08:19 PM
Having lost a 25 yr old daughter and 19 yr old granddaughter, grief is a constant companion - also in this tragedy is the survival of a 4-1/2 yr old - time does not heal, but it does help to be livable - I am now a new but different person, but that is okay
Posted by: nancy sorgatz (faribault, mn)
Posted: 1/15/2012 4:19:26 PM
Congregation: 1st english luth
Have you seen Women of the ELCA's resource on grief, "The Faces of Grief"? It's a wonderful resource to help you find wholeness and peace after loss, whatever that loss might be (death, job loss, trauma, goodbyes, etc.) You can download the free PDF at http://www.elca.org/~/media/Files/Women%20of%20the%20ELCA/downloadable%20new%20resources%2009/TheFacesOfGrief.aspx.
Posted by: Linda Post Bushkofsky (Arlington Heights, IL)
Posted: 1/9/2012 8:15:56 AM
Congregation: Our Saviour's
I first met Megan as she sat by her mother's side in the room where she was dying, oh so slowly. What a poignant time that was. We who gathered there were on holy ground. I've watched Megan grow from that faithful daughter into a wise woman, a powerful pastor of our church. I know that what she learned as she said goodbye to her mother, and as she grieved her loss, have made her both vulnerable and strong. I thank God for Megan's gifts among us.
Posted by: Sue Gamelin (Greensboro, NC)
Posted: 1/7/2012 3:25:54 PM
Congregation: Prince of Peace
Your courageous articles, difficult as they must have been to writet, are so helpful. I am so fortunate to have friends like you! Love, Terry
Posted by: Terry Van Der Bosch (Mundelein, IL)
Posted: 1/6/2012 12:13:31 PM
Congregation: Santa Maria
Thank you so much for such a timely (God-timed) article! I have been praying for the past few days upon hearing of a friend's loss of her daughter as to what to say to her- what words to impart and how to comfort her. I have been at a loss for words. My prayers were answered when I read how liberating it was to hear that the pain that was being felt at that moment was just right... And so, armed with words to say (and not to say), I was able to compose an email not offering scripture or words of "comfort" (which can sound shallow and do more harm than anything else) but rather just offering my friend the gift of hospitality- to feel free to escape to my place and be wrapped in warm blankets and have a non-biased friend ready to listen or just sit with or to bury herself under a pile of blankets and sleep the rawness and emptiness away. So thank you for being an answer to my prayer!
Posted by: VH
Posted: 1/6/2012 12:43:03 AM
Thank you both for such "wonderfully written words" about grief. I do pray for Lydia & the entire Roy/McDermott families still; and will continue to do so. I lost my father when I was 11 years old in 1965. I still reflect on fond memories of him as well as my mother who died in 2008. Like my parents, Will is absent but will never be forgotten...not ever.
Love you, Sandra Owen
Posted by: Sandra Owen (Portland, OR)
Posted: 1/5/2012 11:09:15 PM
Congregation: Temple Baptist Church
When my husband died in 1998 (he was an ELCA minister), parishioners often did not know what to say to me, therefore often avoiding me and other ministers did not visit me. I found solace in books about grieving. I hope other pastor's wives have an easier time of it.
Posted by: Pam Bergeson (Detroit Lakes, MN)
Posted: 1/5/2012 9:06:34 PM
Congregation: Lake Park Lutheran
Thanks for baring your souls & speaking from your hearts ladies. Your words are helpful & insightful for all of us. Love you from afar.
Posted by: Jane Van Ryn (Portland, OR)
Posted: 1/5/2012 7:28:07 PM
Congregation: Temple Baptist
It was helpful to read both of these articles. I often feel at a loss as to how to approach folks who've lost a loved one. This article gives me some helpful insights. Thanks for tackling this subject
Posted by: Dian Dod (Tyler, Tx)
Posted: 1/5/2012 6:11:32 PM
Congregation: Our Saviours
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