Remember when you eagerly waited to attend the birthday party of a new classmate during your childhood? Remember the dances, sporting events, and classes that first introduced you to your college friends? Maybe you remember summer-camp counselor training that brought a group of companions into your life, or military training that connected you with your new partners. Do you remember the fear of the unknown that tempered the excitement of these events? Did that fear diminish as you found your place in these new groups?

The new kid in town
Now remember the day that you first left the comfort of a peer group and were thrust into a work environment with a group of strangers, either a tight-knit group that didn’t need you or a fiercely competitive group that saw you as another threat to their own success. Or maybe you struck out solo and tried to make your way as your own boss. Or perhaps you found yourself at home alone all day with a new baby.

For me, the transition to the “real world” meant moving to different state, to a town where I didn't know another person. I joined a small staff that had been together for four years and who were all decades older than me. I left my family in a small town to live in an apartment by myself in a medium-sized city. The only people I regularly communicated with outside of work were my family and my boyfriend, all of whom lived hours away.

I enjoyed my job, but outside of the work day I often felt a little lost in my new home. I avoided the subject with my friends. I didn’t want to be told I wasn’t trying hard enough to meet people or that I wasn’t likable. So I pretended everything was fine.

Meanwhile I asked myself, “Where do I belong?” I recently asked some of my friends about their transition experiences. Although I can't say I was happy to hear it, there was a sense of relief that I wasn’t alone—they had experiences similar to mine.

Will you be my friend?
One friend left the confines of the educational system a year and a half ago. She moved from Chicago to a small town where she knew no one. As she reflected on the experience, she said that she had come to realize that we get good at making friends in structured settings like school, but, "We're never taught how to make adult friends." She has friends to socialize with, but has struggled to find ways to connect with people on a deeper level. She has talked to several of her friends from the past about the subject. They all seem to agree that they wish had "more good girlfriends."

Another friend shared similar struggles to connect. She was lucky to live with her sister for a while, but before her sister arrived and in the time just after she left, my friend sometimes felt depressed because she felt so alone. One day she met a couple of other young adults in what could have easily been a passing encounter. One said to her, "Do you have a social life?" She responded, "No, not really." "Well, you do now." Thankfully for her, she stumbled into belonging. (Continued on next page.)