My mother is one of those conservative, religious, well-educated women who grew up in Gulfport, Mississippi. My mother never, ever had to raise a hand to me because I knew her word was unquestionable law.

As I got older, I did begin to question and clash with my mother. She raised me to be an independent woman, yet she was in a romantic relationship that was clearly one-sided. From my observation, I felt that she was suffering and was staying in a bad relationship for the sake of my sisters. I did not understand. My mother would not give me any explanation. “Do as I say, and not as I do” was the mantra in my mother’s household.

Kwame with her mom

Through teenage rebellion
During my teens, I withdrew into my own world, isolating myself from what I deemed was a chaotic household. When I complained to my aunts and grandmother about my mother’s relationship, they told me to continue to be the obedient child I had always been. They said that even if I don’t understand it at age 14, there might be a reason. I also battled my mother’s “Do as I say…” parenting style throughout my teenage years. I felt I had no ally—and I was all alone.

When I prayed for God’s help, I discovered that the answer for me was to “wait.” It was only when I was an adult in the midst of my own growing family that my mother saw my inner strength—something she had molded. She recognized the seed she had planted. I began to question her about what I had always perceived as her sadness but was her sacrifice, the cornerstone of motherhood. The puzzles from my childhood began to fit together.

Through difficult times
God has brought my mother through the shadow of darkness of battling breast cancer. She is stronger now more than ever. During four years of hell she endured with cancer, I was able to care for my mother just as she had done for me for over 21 years.

Has our relationship changed? Yes. I am her anchor. I am her right hand. Motherhood does not end because your children grow up—it has the potential to cement into everlasting love and joy.

When God is ready to call my mother home, I will weep. But I will weep and give thanks because I was so blessed in having this wonderful woman in my life. I am lucky to have her as my mother.

Kwame Pitts was named after the first prime minister of Ghana, Kwame Nkrumah. Although it is traditionally a boys name, her mother wanted to honor her proud African heritage. Kwame’s passion is writing, publishing poetry, and performing in the poetry scene around Chicago. She has been married for over 14 years and has two children. She enjoys spending time with her extended family and serving in her church community. She is currently studying at Lutheran School of Theology in Chicago in the Master of Divinity program.

Read more articles about changing relationships with our parents. Check out "The changing face of my mother" by Priscilla Austin and "What would Mom and Dad do?" by Laura Groth.
 

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