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Last summer, I
graduated from college, backpacked through Europe with
my best friend, volunteered at the ELCA Youth Gathering
in New Orleans, and started my Master’s degree at the
Lutheran Theological Seminary at Gettysburg. With all of
these major events happening in the span of three
months, can you guess the number-one thing that was on
my mind for the first half of the summer? Here’s a hint:
It has nothing to do with education or travel.
It had
everything to do with a card I received in the mail
inviting “Julie Stecker and Guest” to attend the wedding
of two high school friends. I frantically searched
through my cell phone contacts and Facebook friends for
all the single men I knew within a 90-mile radius,
begging them to save me from being the only person at
the wedding without a “plus one.” Luckily, one of them
came through, and I didn’t have to awkwardly suffer
through dinner and dancing without a date.
But the whole
situation made me wonder. Why are young, single women
all over the world feeling such pressure to find a mate?
Didn’t our foremothers fight for our right to be
independent, to liberate us from the stigma that came
with being single? We have successfully integrated
ourselves into academia and practically every aspect of
the work force, changing the face of women’s primary
roles in society. So why are we the ones who are still
pressured to find that elusive “plus one?”
Always a
bridesmaid
Most of us have our deliriously happy, romantically
attached friends and family to thank. We love you all,
really we do. We will help you pick out an outfit for
your date, emit a squeal of glee over the ring on your
left hand, and wipe away tears of joy when you walk down
the aisle because we are delighted that you have found
that special someone.
But we will
also brace ourselves for the onslaught of, “Now we have
to find someone for you!”
Carin, 21, has
attended her share of weddings over the past few years,
and constantly felt “stressed
out and completely crazy,” over not having a
boyfriend, knowing she would be faced with such
conversation starters at the reception.
Continued on next page.
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Visit the
study
page for ideas for discussion and further
reflection.
I grew up with romantic expectations. Barbie
had Ken and the Disney princesses had their princes, and it was a
given that all would live "happily ever after!” I, too, anticipated
sharing my life with a dashing man who I would love forever and
ever. Never mind that as I grew up, I learned that in real life
couples never do live happily ever after —there are tears and pain
in even the very best of relationships. Like many women, I still
fight that secret ache of longing. I still wonder if I just met the
RIGHT guy, then I, too, would feel complete and sail blissfully into
the sunset with my "other half." That's the core of the problem
isn't it? We assume that a relationship partner is "the other half"
of our identities. Which means that when we are without a partner,
we are only a partial person, only half human.
Consequences for Eve
Though I tend to blame it on Disney movies and Barbie dolls, the
assumption that a woman is incomplete without a "significant other"
starts much earlier on—probably as far back as Eve. In the process
of creating people, God first makes a sexless mud creature. Later
God observes, "It is not good that the [human] should be alone; I will
make [it] a helper, as his partner." (Genesis 2:18) The Creature
is then divided and differentiated, one part becoming man (Adam) and
the other part becoming woman (Eve).
When the two fall into sin, the consequences
for Adam are that he is forever defined by his relationship to the
earth, with which he must contend in order to eat. The consequences
for Eve, however, are that she is forever defined by her
relationship with the man in her life. God says, "I will greatly
increase your pangs in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth
children, yet your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall
rule over you." (Genesis 3:16)
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