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Tonight I spent an hour tutoring at the youth center in
my suburban neighborhood. Afterward, I walked home alone
in the dark. I looked down at my feet, which were
invisible in the darkness. Apprehensive, I began to pray
for God’s help.
Dear God, please guide me home safely…
I paused, unsure of how to maneuver down a path I could
barely see.
Guide my feet…
I stuttered as I tripped on a broken piece of cement.
Light my way…
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I stopped at
the edge of a sunken driveway. I couldn’t see anything.
No lamp appeared to light my way. The moon did not move
to illuminate my path. God did not alter the physical
environment to fit my prayer.
I proceeded blindly, with faith only in my feet. I told
myself that moments spent in fear are moments wasted,
and I needed to keep moving towards home.
I moved across the driveway as quickly as I could, and
continued on my way, unharmed. It wasn’t so much God’s
help that I needed, but rather reassurance in my own
abilities.
It wasn’t possible for the darkness to be cured; in
fact, there was nothing wrong with the darkness. I just
needed to adjust my own mindset—to accept the darkness
for what it was, and continue on as best I could.
Although I did not have total confidence that I would
make it home in one piece, I had faith in my ability to
participate in the journey, and courage to take the next
step.
I began this prayer as a prayer for faith to
persevere. It is a common theme in my life, and probably
in yours too. Over the past year, I’ve graduated from my
master’s program, moved out of my parents’ house, and
begun my first full-time job. Through all the excitement
and newness, doubt always seems present. I wonder if the
decisions I make are the right ones. I wonder if I
should plan, or sit back and let life take its course.
There never seems to be enough time to weigh every
option, opportunity, and decision. Instead I make an
informed choice, say a prayer, and proceed (sometimes
blindly).
Originally, I thought that the best thing God could do
would answer my questions. I wanted an all-knowing,
all-powerful force to calm my fears and direct me
towards the right path. But through writing about my
fears, I began to appreciate them. Being young and alive
is all about possibility. Even as I sit here in the
coffee shop where I spend many evenings, there is much possibility. I could pick up a new book and learn
about a topic I’ve never heard of before. I could strike
up a conversation with the stranger at the next table
and end up with a new friend.
It might sound morbid to say that I may not make it home
alive tonight, but nothing is certain, and I won’t let
that uncertainty keep me from walking out the door. If
every day might be your last, then even at a young age
we should be grateful for every moment, every little
joy, and every step we take down every path.
Dear God, thank you for today. It’s been good, it’s
been productive, and it’s been fun.
Thank you for my coffee this morning. Thank you for my
coworker’s joke. Thank you for a child’s smile.
Thank you for my feet.
And now, it’s time to go home.
Laura M.
Groth, 23, works is a graduate admissions counselor
for the Graduate School, Valparaiso University.
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