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I mean it. If my friend Abby hadn’t answered her cell
phone and picked me up when my car got hit on that
unfamiliar highway, while I was shaking and couldn’t
figure out what to do next, I might have died right
then and there.
And I still think that if I hadn’t been there, and I
mean really been there, that afternoon those years ago
when my roommate discovered that her pregnancy test was
positive, she would have been undone without a friend,
and not just any friend. Later, others added their good
listening ears and practical help for decisions that had
to be made, but that afternoon, it had to be me.
But before I go out and spend $9.95 on a “friendship
book” with sappy kittens on the cover, I’m going to
remember that friendships can also be complicated and
messy, and like all things human-related, sometimes our
friendships need a good sorting-out.
As part of the Wisdom literature of the Bible, the books
of Psalms and Proverbs have all kinds of pithy sayings
that can be useful in measuring the health and wealth of
our friendships. Take a look.
Just as water reflects the face, so one human heart
reflects another. (Proverbs 27:19)
Sometimes friends aren’t “good,” and other people in
your life don’t like them. But you like these
friendships because you provide reflection of and sparkle
for each other’s lives:
Elise was Jana’s best friend throughout high school, a
relationship that Jana’s mother didn’t like one bit.
Even though Jana defended Elise totally and utterly, her
Mom actually had a point. Elise did smoke pot
occasionally. Her home reeked of beer, and often when
Jana went to her house for a sleepover, Elise’s dad
would be passed out on the couch while Elise’s mom was
out with friends for the night.
But Elise also taught Jana about the music of Janis
Joplin, Nat King Cole, and Louis Armstrong. She taught
Jana how to play poker, highlight her hair, and how to
deal matter-of-factly with a dad who is drunk. Jana,
meanwhile, gave Elise glimpses into a family life where
parents asked you about your day and worried if you
weren’t home by a certain hour at night.
They added sparkle into each other’s lives, and for a
time, each one grew a little bit more like the
other—Jana grew bolder, learning to laugh at her shyness
in new situations. Elise started getting homework done,
as she saw her friend make studying a regular habit.
“My best friend is the one who brings out the best in
me,” Henry Ford is credited with saying. For several
years, Elise and Jana seemed to fit that definition of
being good friends for each other.
The righteous gives good advice to friends, but the
way of the wicked leads astray. (Proverbs 12:26)
In their senior year of high school, though, Elise’s
drinking and smoking and a complicated string of bad
boyfriends led to her quit school. She didn’t find Jana
very interesting anymore, especially when Jana drew the
line at her so-called new adventures and declined her
invitation to go along on an all-night spree the weekend
before finals. As Jana moved on toward graduation and
then college, the young women drifted apart. For Jana,
no doubt, it was a healthy change. As the proverb puts
it firmly, there really is such a thing as being led
astray by friends. The relationship was no longer
life-giving, and it was time to say goodbye. To go back
to the imagery of Proverbs 27:19, the water of that
relationship had just dried up.
(continued
on next page)
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