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That’s largely
because Dad didn’t seek the right treatment, nor did he
track the course of his illness. He avoided visits to
his doctor, only going when forced. Even then, he
declined chest X-rays and other tests that could have
helped his doctors keep him alive longer.
As the child
of someone who died too soon, I do not fear my own
death. I do, though, want to learn from Dad’s passing.
When he died, I was 14, ready to begin my Sophomore year
in high school. I
knew him — his voice, his love, his anger, his comfort,
his stories, his way of being. Sometimes I think, “I’m
32. My daughter is 4. If I die at the age Dad did, maybe Zoey won’t know me the way I knew Dad.”
That’s what
you do when your parent dies young. You look for ways to
spare your own child from growing up without answers.
This may sound strange to those who haven’t lost a
parent, but for those whose youth is marked by the death
of a parent, it isn’t. When your parent dies young when
you are still figuring out who you are, you are keenly
aware of the desire to live.
Resigned to
fate
In his last year, Dad’s breathing became labored. It
appears he decided that it wasn’t due to the sarcoidosis
but to allergies. Instead of making sure, he bought
over-the-counter antihistamines.
Dad knew his
family history. He knew his father had hypertension and
severe diabetes and that he had suffered from
debilitating strokes. Many in Dad’s family also had
hypertension, diabetes, and other cardiovascular
ailments, and some had died before reaching 40. Dad
sometimes said he would be among that group. In
retrospect, I wonder if he was resigned to a
predetermined fate.
While my dad’s
heart failure was due to a fairly rare disease, it
reminds us that even people who look fit and healthy — and
are young — may have risk factors for cardiac illness and
death. His death reminds us that none of us should take
our heart health for granted.
My family
history and Dad’s death don’t mean that I’ll die young
or even die from heart disease. But these factors are a
call to action. Maybe I’m at a higher risk, but that
just means I must work harder.
Cardiovascular
diseases are the number 1 killer of women. They’re also
largely preventable. We don’t have to give in.
Change your
future
We don’t have to solve everything in one day. We can
start small, by taking a walk every day and being
careful about food portions. We can set small goals and
enlist our friends and families to help. We can have a
frank discussion with our doctors. We can take care of
ourselves. We can teach our daughters and sons that we
matter and we’re worth saving.
It pains me to
admit that I believe Dad was among those cynics who
believe that family history or a diagnosis means our
fate is sealed. Maybe he thought, “Well, I’ve got this
disease, and I don’t want to know how bad it is. I’m
going to die young, because my uncles and cousins died
young. There’s nothing I can do about that.” But I’m
also encouraged that despite knowing he had this disease
and believing he’d die young, he kept running, jumping,
and pulling up, up, up.
Illness and
death are facts of life, but God gives us the tools to
live and be present with our families, friends, and
communities. Cardiovascular disease is not inevitable.
It doesn’t have to be a death sentence. It is an
invitation to persevere and fully partake of the gifts
we’ve been given.
Karris
Golden is a freelance writer from Waterloo, Iowa, where
she lives with her husband and daughter. |
