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We wrote our wedding vows underneath a maple tree in a park near my house. We were 22 and 23. Our vows were filled with words like “cherish,” “treasure,” “love,” and “forever.” Saying the words aloud on our wedding day made me shiver. I believed every word we said as we made those abstract and idealistic promises. Still do. Even twelve years later.

But if I were to write our vows now, they would look much different. More practical, less theoretical. They might not be appropriate for a church ceremony (see the one about poopy diapers), but they tell the real story of our marriage.

I promise . . .

To meet you halfway around the world, on time, exactly where I said I would be.

My husband is notoriously late. For everything. I despise being late. So when Kevin asked me to meet him at the end of his business trip in China to travel together, I had some doubts about whether he would make it to the airport on time. He reassured me repeatedly that he would be there, but my doubts intensified as I flew by myself on a 14-hour flight to Asia. What in the world would I do if he wasn’t there? I didn’t know anyone in Shanghai, nor could I speak or read the language. Then I realized his cell phone didn’t work overseas. What if he forgot his watch (not an unlikely possibility) or got mixed up on the time change? How long would I wait at baggage claim before I gave up? Then what? Get a hotel by myself? How would we ever connect? I was in full-fledged terror when my flight landed, not just on time, but early! More

You receive the unmistakable envelope: a wedding invitation. You look to see who it sent it. What is your first response?

	a. Delight. I love to see people get together in the holy bonds of matrimony. I hope they have a long happy life together. Mazel tov.
	b. Bitterness. Another one bites the dust. When will it be my turn? I’m such a loser.
	c. Disbelief. What are they thinking? Do they have any idea how hard it is to be married and face the same person day after day?
	d. Anxiety. Oh no! I have nothing to wear and no date and I hate to buy wedding presents.
	e. Disapproval. Those two are getting married? Bad idea. It will never last.
	f. Cynicism. Why would anyone support that oppressive vestige of patriarchal oppression!
	g. All of the above.

I have been a bridesmaid four times, a reader three times, a bride once, and a guest too many times to count. I have attended dozens of weddings: for cousins, siblings, high school chums, college pals, friends, and co-workers, not to mention the various weddings to which I was dragged by whomever I was dating at the time. I know what the response to a wedding invitation should be: joy for the couple, honor at being invited, and willingness to support the couple by prayer and presence.

It doesn’t always work that way. More

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Faith reflections by Rachel Bass

Visit the study page for ideas for discussion and further reflection.

In those days Mary set out and went with haste to a Judean town in the hill country, where she entered the house of Zechariah and greeted Elizabeth. When Elizabeth heard Mary’s greeting the child leaped in her womb. And Elizabeth was filled with Holy Spirit and exclaimed with a loud cry, “Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb.”
Luke 1:39–43

I have been a bridesmaid nine times. I’ve heard that a friend of a friend has been a bridesmaid 23 times. I can hardly believe that it is humanly possible, unless she was first called to serve at age three — a child prodigy of a bridesmaid.

I have a hard enough time admitting that I’ve done it nine times. Three seems like the culturally sanctioned limit. Nine times a bridesmaid is when your blessing becomes your curse. I’ve often wondered, while adjusting a bra purchased especially for some awkward dress, what is the purpose of a bridesmaid?

Three of those nine special bridesmaid’s dresses stuffed into my closet were worn for family members. The other six dresses (with matching shoes and accessories) were for friends.

The first friend’s wedding I was in was Tiffany’s, one of the writers in this issue. On Tiffany’s special day I, Rachel Bass, wore pantyhose and danced the night away in teal-colored low-heeled shoes. Only because it was Tiffany’s wedding day would I wear pantyhose in June or a pair of teal-colored shoes. It was a fantastic wedding and I was thrilled to take part. Being a bridesmaid is definitely a blessing and an honor. But what is the call of a bridesmaid? What is the significance of her presence in a wedding or in the life of the bride?

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