The book of Ruth is a story of surrogate family. I recently re-read the book in my study Bible, and the commentary says that a major theme of the book is chesed — a Hebrew word that means "loyalty or faithfulness arising from commitment." It goes on to say that chesed can describe the relationship between God and a human community or between members of a family or members of a community.

The story opens with an account of Naomi, who was from Bethlehem and moved with her husband and two sons to Moab, to avoid a famine. Her husband later died. This was hard for Naomi because a woman's status in that culture depended on her father, husband, sons, or a male relative. Fortunately, she had two sons to provide for her.

Naomi's sons found wives and settled into the local community and remained there for 10 years. Tragically, her sons died. Naomi loved her widowed daughters-in-law, Ruth and Orpah. She worried about their safety. She told them to return to their people. 

Orpah kissed Naomi good-bye and went back to her people but Ruth said, "Where you go, I go; where you stay, I stay; your people are my people; and your God, my God."

Ruth traveled with Naomi back to Bethlehem, to a place and a future unknown. When they arrived, Ruth offered to go to the fields to work. Her labor would provide them with much-needed food. Her first day in the fields, Ruth was noticed and taken care of by the owner of the fields, Boaz. When Ruth told Naomi about this, Naomi, who knew that the field owner was a kinsman of her late husband, understood the kindness and generosity of Boaz. Naomi hoped that she might be able to secure Ruth's future by helping her marry Boaz.

When I think of this loyalty and commitment and the reciprocity of those friendships, I think of my relationship with Eleanor. In the beginning, I was needing and she was giving.

Shortly after we first became acquainted, Eleanor offered to babysit for me. Since then she has babysat often over the years, which is no small feat given that my family has grown from two children when she first offered to four children ages 4-10. Ours is a one-income family, and when Eleanor babysits it means that my husband and I can afford to go out and have some time together. Not only that, but while we are gone the kids are busy hearing about life growing up as part of a big family on a farm in rural Illinois in the 1920s and 30s and what it was like to date and eventually marry a soldier who was a POW in World War II. They have the full attention of a woman who was a first-grade teacher for 30 years and genuinely loves being with them.

I have asked Eleanor if I could repay her and she has always said "No." She told me that years ago, when her children were small, she had neighbors, Virginia and Clarence, who helped her out. "You know Virginia would just come and help me out of more trials and tribulations and there really wasn't much I could do for her. And she'd say, 'Oh, pass it on!' And well, that's what it is — 'Pass it on!'. I guess in all honesty I feel like Virginia. I have the time and I am passing along something that meant a lot to me when I was younger."

Eleanor cannot possibly know how much her friendship has meant to me, not only for the babysitting but because she has become an extra grandparent to my kids and is family to my husband and me. I listen to her experiences, her views, and her advice, and I have found her perspective invaluable. She was married for 38 years and sometimes she helps me, even without meaning to, to see the forest for the trees. She helps me have a sense of humor about being a wife and a mom. What a gift.

Sometimes these friendships fall in your lap, but most need cultivation.

We need to be open, especially to the unexpected. Because of my friendship with Eleanor, I often think about my relationships with older people. But it hadn't occurred to me until fairly recently that I may be that older person! There's a young woman at church who is a junior in high school — that makes me about 20 years older than she is — who seeks me out. She is funny and smart, and she has an interesting outlook on life. I’ve realized that I need to be intentional in cultivating her friendship.

It seems the time is ripe for us — women of many ages — to find each other, to get to know each other, and to reach out to each other. I have a feeling that we, like Naomi and Ruth, have much to offer each other and will find that God will provide for us through those relationships.

Rebecca Kasten lives in Champaign, Illinois with husband, four children and dog. She works at home, volunteers in two elementary schools, and works part-time in a third. By night she chauffeurs children around, helps with homework, and does massive amounts of laundry. When she finds spare time she likes to write, run and bike long distance, and go camping. She is the Triennial Gathering promoter for her Women of the ELCA synodical women's organization.
 

Next page     Share this article     Share a comment