|
 hen Kärin Wollan gave up
teaching elementary school to care for her two sons, she
didn’t realize that the two of them could be just as demanding as a full
classroom. Garit, 4, is energetic and opinionated.
Wesley, 8 months, actively explores their Winona, Minn.,
home. Most days, Kärin, 29, feels successful if she
changes out of her “uniform” — sweatpants and a T-shirt.
“My personal time comes and
goes, and right now it’s gone,” she quips. “I find
myself feeling the most balanced when I take time for
myself and make it a priority.”
Balancing the elements of your life is primarily about
finding the right mix of time to spend on yourself, family and
friends, and work without becoming distressed. When
you’re balanced, you don’t regularly sacrifice one of
those elements for another. A little stress is not only
inevitable, of course, it’s OK; but the flow of your life shouldn’t
weigh you down or make you feel overwhelmed.
Describing herself as a
“high-strung person,” Kärin admits she sometimes sweats
the small stuff. Still, she knows it’s normal to get
frazzled when Garit misbehaves or a new tooth keeps
Wesley up all night.
Throughout her day, Kärin
finds strength in faith. Prayer and meditative moments
have proven tremendous de-stressors.
She prays several times a day. Often it’s impromptu and
unconventional. However, she doesn’t knock those who
prefer to kneel and take the traditional route.
“I find myself talking to
God,” she says, “When I need a little extra support
while I’m preparing the famous lunch of chicken nuggets
and a circle of ketchup on the train plate, I just ask
God
to either help me move faster or slower, whatever will
work.”
Mandy Long, 26, of Raleigh, N.C., knows one speed: fast.
“I like to be busy, so my schedule usually doesn’t make
me feel overwhelmed,” she explains. “I am able to deal
with the stressors of my profession by talking about
work-related stress with my fellow nurse
anesthetists.”
| |
 |
|
| |
It’s Saturday and your
afternoon suddenly freed up. Do you
think,
“Yeah! Now I have a chance to catch up on (insert
household chore here)?” If so, read Karris Golden's
suggestions on what else you might do.
More. . .
|
|
| |
|
However, Mandy does sometime
worry about finding the right person with whom to
share her life. "I believe that everyone wants that one
special relationship, and when you are single it puts
the pressure on to find it," she says. "Also most of my
friends are either married or in a serious relationship,
so stress builds as I am reminded of what I want but
haven't found."
Hers is a high-demand job
and can be one of the most stressful in nursing
specialties, according to Nurse Week magazine. In addition,
Mandy’s family lives 1,000 miles away in central Iowa.
To curb stress and homesickness, Mandy schedules daily
time to relax. “I use physical exercise such as running,
aerobics, lifting weights, and yoga to help relieve
stress. I also get a facial every month as a stress
buster. Shopping and dinner with friends helps, too.”
Like Mandy,
Kärin also cherishes “me-time,” though she often feels
guilty taking the time from her sons. She enjoys
running, takes strength classes at her local fitness
center, and tries to schedule regular manicures. “That’s
a huge pick-me-up after a tough day with a very stubborn
four-year-old,” she says.
Where do you fall on your “to-do” list? If you’re like
many women, your personal needs don’t often make the top
10.
Accepting that you can’t control or fix everything
brings freedom. It allows you the flexibility to adapt
as change comes. It means that when you find yourself
with some free time, you won’t fill it up with extra
work. When you’ve got a major task to accomplish,
flexibility will allow you to accomplish it with aplomb.
Lauren Christensen, 21,
wants to build her confidence. As she prepares to
graduate from a Midwestern college, the Soldotna,
Alaska, native can easily tick off a list of
angst-ridden issues.
“I worry I will not be
‘unique’ enough, or (whether) my resume is good enough
to get a good paying job,” says Lauren, who is a member
of
Christ Lutheran Church, Soldotna. “I also worry about
being able to advance in my career path.”
Lauren’s worries are common.
Sometimes young women feel that they must prove themselves in their profession. And as women mature and establish careers, some add families to the
balance.
Victoria Kidd, 34, the
mother of a four-year-old daughter and teen-age stepson, works at Susquehanna University in Selinsgrove, Pa.
Creating balance is arguably the toughest challenge
young working mothers face, she notes.
“We play so many roles in a
day that it often becomes impossible to find time for
ourselves unless, of course, we get up at 4 o’clock in
the morning to have it. That’s something I do on a
fairly regular basis.”
Not normally an early riser,
Victoria realized the wee hours of the
morning are sacred. “I’ve found that the pre-dawn hours
are just about the only time I’m going to have any
peace and quiet,” she explains. “And, boy, am I blessed
for being steered toward that little gem of truth.”
Kristy Buyok, 32, a mother of two, balances caring for
her family with school work. Like Kärin and Victoria,
Kristy’s own needs sometimes shift to the bottom of her
“to-do” list.
“But I’ve found ways to
incorporate my needs into my other responsibilities,”
she says. “For example, instead of studying alone in the
library and depending entirely on myself, I study with
friends. That way while I’m studying, I’m also
socializing and enjoying myself. Instead of taking a
quick shower when I’m particularly stressed, I opt for a
hot bath, even if it has to be a quick one.”
The key is prioritizing. Say
no and mean it. It’s better to be realistic and know
your limits than to commit to projects that you will
struggle to do or know you can’t complete on time. But
if you simply can’t say no, say yes only if someone will
help you on the project.
Kristy also understands the
power of a loving partner. Her husband, Ernie, helps
with childcare duties, and she trusts him to do things
his way.
Ernie’s help gives Kristy
time to clear her mind. “If I feel like I need it, I
take time for silence. I go to the library and read a
book that has nothing to do with studying. I also take
time to pray in silence after everyone in my house is
asleep for the night.”
Kristy’s peaceful balance
was hard won. For five years, she worked as a field
sales manager for a large corporation.
It was unfulfilling work. “I
always felt that I wanted to do something that really
mattered,” she recalls.
At the time, Kristy was
active at St. Luke Lutheran Church in Beckley, W. Va.,
and considered switching careers. “I couldn’t imagine
giving up my family’s source of income to go back to
school,” she explains. “When my position was eliminated
just before Christmas 2004, I felt like God was trying
to tell me something.”
Yet the message didn’t
register; Kristy instead moved to Georgia for a new job.
God kept calling. After several tough choices and
another move, Kristy is now pursuing a master of
divinity degree at Lutheran Theological Southern
Seminary in Columbia, S.C.
“It was something I had
thought of for years, but I always felt like I could never
find a way to give up our family income to go back to
school. God found a way,” says Kristy.
God stepped in on Victoria’s behalf, too. In September
2004, her home flooded in the aftermath of Hurricane
Ivan. Colleagues and friends from Sharon Lutheran Church offered help as she worked to maintain a sense of
normality.
“So much of my stress in the
last year and a half has centered on rebuilding a
household. It’s a long process, but I learned that by
trusting in God to provide for you, everything comes
together in due time,” she explains. “Believing in an
all-loving, all-powerful God that brings together a
family of believers to rely upon for support and
inspiration when times get tough is an incredibly
comforting feeling.”
Uncertainty brought Kristy
similar insights. Returning to school adds to the
anxiety of balancing family and self, she explains. Kristy’s top priorities are
her children, Kailyn, 7, and Evan, 2. She’s also sure
seminary was the right choice.
She firmly believes God
wouldn’t give her more than she can handle. “My favorite
time of the week is Sunday morning when I serve in my
field church, St. Peter’s in Lexington, S.C. It is
wonderful to be reminded why I am in seminary. I
almost always take advantage of Southern Seminary’s
chapel time to re-center and focus on why I'm doing all
of this. It is very helpful to know that no matter how
stressful any of this gets, I was asked to take up my
cross and follow Jesus. I’m doing what I was asked to
do. My cross is much lighter than his.”
Writer Karris Golden lives in Iowa.
Her weekly column, "On Faith," appears in the
Waterloo-Cedar Falls (Iowa) Courier.
Check out Tip jar
to learn about other ways you can add balance to your
life. More
Top
Back to Hot Topic
Forward this
article to a friend
|
