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There’s so much pressure around the holidays, not only to
give to family, friends, church, and charities, but to give
the perfect gift. Some people are ingenious gift-buyers,
able to remember that Jerry mentioned he didn’t have
such-and-such in July, able to guess exactly what Leticia
will adore that’s on sale in November. Then there are those
of us who go out mid-December hoping to buy for folks who
don’t really need anything — something not so terrible,
something worth at least as much as what they’re probably
buying us, something that won’t be re-gifted later.
Don’t get me wrong — I’m not against material gifts, but
they can quickly wear thin if that’s all they are. I don’t
know about you, but this time of year, I’m constantly
battling to make sure my focus is on the Christ Child, not
the shopping and buying, buying, buying of stuff. Stuff that
advertisers insist that we need to fill the empty spaces in
our closets, in our lives.
But wait. Think for a moment about the three best gifts you
ever received. Don’t read on just yet. Just remember for a
minute.
Did you, like me, realize that some of your best gifts
weren’t material? Not gifts you could really buy, but gifts
that brought intense meaning and richness to your life and
relationships?
In Galatians 5:22-23, we find a list of the nine fruit of
the Spirit given to believers. What if this Christmas (and
at other times) we intentionally nurtured these fruit, these
gifts, in ourselves and found ways to share them with
others? And if we gave them freely, with the knowledge they
may not be returned or appreciated in a way that we can see,
what would that “no strings” approach create in our hearts?
Would we feel more free and less burdened? This Christmas,
I'm going to try giving "spiritual gifts." Want to join me?
Here are some gift ideas you can use:
Love
As a girl, I participated in a Cursillo retreat. At the end
of our exploration of Christian vocation, we received a
surprise of palanca. The Spanish word was used to describe a
bundle of encouraging letters from loved ones back home and
Christians we didn’t even know. It was an outward, visible
sign that we were loved and held in prayer by a larger
community.
Write a letter on paper to a loved one, saying how he or she
brings Christ into your life, the unique things about him or
her that you admire, your funniest or fondest memory,
how your relationship with this person got you through a
difficult time, and what kinds of things you pray for him or
her. Put it in an envelope and mail it. Write a similar
letter
to yourself. Seal it in an envelope and put it away for a
rainy or difficult day.
Joy
What brings you joy? Any particular activity? Singing a
song, playing an instrument, cooking a meal, walking alone
down a prairie path, riding your bike, going fishing,
hiking, throwing a party, or drawing a picture? Give
yourself the gift of a solid day of doing something purely
fun. Feel free to experience a deep joy, without guilt. I
don’t know about you, but such undeserved joy reminds me of
God’s overwhelming goodness.
Peace
In blending my husband’s and my own family, we’ve found that
peace is best built before there’s a problem. Many of his
family members are scattered across the Chicagoland area and
rarely get together. Mine see each other more regularly, but
have difficulty coordinating schedules. So we try to provide
and deepen the opportunities for our family and friends to
come together. At several dinners, we’ve asked people to
share family stories, each offer a prayer, write in a family
journal or go on a scavenger hunt for silly things with an
assigned partner. Our group recently grew larger when two
cousins lost their mother — their center for family
gathering. Together we have a growing repository of shared
memories to keep us laughing through the years.
Patience
Look behind annoying words or actions to the person God
made and loves. Recently, instead of avoiding someone who’d
been driving me crazy, I went by and visited him. He still
told me the same stories over and over and shared jokes that
weren’t funny, but that wasn’t the point. I slowed down,
sat, and listened. And listened. I didn’t look impatient, as
if I couldn’t wait to finish my errands. (I’m ashamed to
think of how many times in the past I’ve not done this.)
Instead, I was present, affirming, and accepting without
making any demands of my own. He calmed down and I realized
again what a great friend he is, one who shows me moments of
unexpected grace.
Kindness
When we were kids and short on money, my brothers and I
would give our parents envelopes full of crayon-decorated
coupons for free housecleaning, laundry, painting, or even
backrubs. I’d love a friend to give me a coupon for free
babysitting so my husband and I could go out some night,
knowing our toddler was in good hands. Consider these
possibilities and add your own:
•
stamping and addressing Christmas cards for someone with
arthritic hands
•
mop someone’s floors, or clean the bathroom
•
treat a senior for dinner and movie out with you
•
Give a do-it-yourself “spa” treatment for a friend who is
very busy; who lives alone in a nursing home; or who suffers
from Alzheimer’s. Washing someone’s hair gently, cutting
their nails, rubbing lotion into cracked skin, applying a
facial masque, bathing and moisturizing tired feet — these
are small and loving gifts that also give you an opportunity
to listen, talk, or just be there.
Generosity
Do you know how to knit? Quilt? Draw? Organize? Cut
hair? Offer to teach someone one of your skills or lead a
workshop at your library or community center. Years ago, my
friend Lesley shared her gift for making beaded jewelry. We
spent several hours one winter afternoon with blunt-nose
pliers from our local hardware store, squinting at tiny
beads and wires, laughing at our mistakes, and enjoying each
others’ company. Over the years, I’ve checked out many books
from the library, and even bought a few I really liked, to
learn additional beading techniques. Now I’ve made jewelry
as gifts for friends, for sale, and for donation at charity
auctions. The fun of creating something new, the sense of
accomplishment at the end, wouldn’t be there without
Lesley’s gift of generosity. Whenever I’m beading, sooner or
later, I think of her. We fell out of touch when she and her
husband divorced and she moved away. I hope we get back in
touch.
Faithfulness
Make a video or audiotape of family members, friends, or
neighbors sharing a story of faith or trust. My cousin’s
wife has a wonderful video of her grandmother doing a
dramatic recitation of a Langston Hughes poem. Watching it
has been a gift to us all. If you don’t have electronic
equipment, interview folks and record their stories in an
oral history booklet you distribute to all the interviewees.
If someone isn’t willing to share, don’t worry about it —
just take the stories of those who are willing. But giving
them a copy of the finished product can still be a witness.
Perhaps when you next ask, they’ll be ready to share a
story, too. If someone wants to share a story from a
different faith perspective, that’s OK, too.
Gentleness
Try giving the gift of a gentle answer to people you
encounter during your day. Often my tendency is to answer a
sharp comment equally sharply. But when I manage to answer
with kindness, it’s amazing how often this is reflected back
to me.
Self-control
Try making a disciplined sacrifice as you pray for someone.
A couple of months ago, I gave up chocolate and shopping for
a month as I prayed for two people. I found myself going for
walks (which prevented me from eating chocolate and was good
for me), reading the Bible, and calling friends more.
Elizabeth Hunter, a section editor for The Lutheran,
attends Holy Family Lutheran Church in Chicago, where her
husband Leslie is a creative and hard-working youth
director. This Christmas, they're enjoying the gift of
watching their son, Evan, 19 months, experience their
family's Christmas traditions.
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